”I haven’t lived in vain
but alms were all I enjoyed ‘
(personal sayings)

everything I lived till 47 it wasn’t life
besides from now on… it will be even meagre
I didn’t have gods, nor wanted them close
but everything I rejoiced or grieved
vanished under my eyes like a ghost
I haven’t followed their procession to the end
though I always stayed away from the core of the world
my eyes didn’t know the light
nor the darkness
and my body wasn’t given
“’as on his flesh”
(like another obscured poet said)
steel in the fire marking the red truth of
all the things I believed and I still believe in
… yesterday and today
were and have being only shadows
and only to their own shadows I worshiped frenetically
Yet here, I still call myself „a living person”
how much shame!
In vain I wake up now
in old age
inquiring with ire
-not even after 30 years a poet is not allowed to be
content –
in vain today my rhymes are good spouses
and the eye of the world makes it look at me
Oh! how weak he’s sight is
in verse her character’s dancing
daily I get dressed like a corpse.
The one who says and feels as good as dead
to be expelled with stones from the city!
Therefore, My Lord, thee hang the bell around my neck
and throw me beyond the walls
a pig, a man and an actor
with the leprosy of youth passing without flying colours
only the stones make a noise in the world
and with his love so much trumpeted
through its opened veins
the desert to feed him.
So the yield to be fulfilled by all poets
those passing through the living water of youth
passing without flying colours for others!

from the new series ‘Voodoo Child’ (2016)

Translated by Daniela Bullas

photo by Dorina Brândușa Landén